Is That Really Me?

I'm not who you think I am.  I'm filled with anger, resentment and jealousy.  I talk behind your back.  I most likely make fun of you.  I'm a manipulator, schemer and deceiver.  I gossip way too much.  I've lied to you on more than one occasion.  I get annoyed very easily.  I overanalyze your every word and action.  I always assume you have ulterior motives.  I think the worst of you.  I hold grudges.  I hate your unfairness.  I don't listen to you all the time.  I tend to give you horrible advice.  I'm disgusted with myself.

Unfortunately, that's who I really am for the time being.  And the "you" I was referring to is just that....you; friends and family. 

All of this came to the surface because one of my "schemes" bit me in the ass yesterday, hence the Not the Greatest entry.  It sucks when someone calls you out on something you did or said because that completely affects your character.  It reminds me of the game Chutes and Ladders.  You work so hard to climb up those ladders then all of a sudden you stumble upon one chute and you're sliding all the way down near the bottom.  It sucks!

Thankfully, the best part of noticing your character flaw is that you can change it!  Now that I, along with everyone else, know my real disgusting self, I can change for the better; to become Christ-like.  Hopefully in due time, I won't even know that person I described above. 

So, for starters, please forgive me!  I am so sorry I have treated you this way.  Please know that I do love you and I want nothing but the best for you.  All of you have enriched my life with your love and friendship.  I will do my best to return the blessing.  Thank you for your patience and understanding.

Love,
The New Brooke